What Happens at Rehearsal
by Loki-Hiddleston
Summary: ...Should stay there. A bunch of little snippets of what happens at a school's production of Oliver! All based off of true stories. Warning: Contains grapes, gender confused leads, and a whole lot of randomness. Let the chaos begin.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first story for this fandom...So I guess we'll see how it goes. This is just some stuff that happened at my school's rehearsals of Oliver! this past winter. It's basically just us goofing around, and none of the stuff is that serious. Our Dodger and Mr/Mrs. Brownlow were both played by girls. I was a Londoner with two extra lines.**

**Scene 1: In Which the Music People are a Bit Late With Their Cue**

Everybody: WHEN THEY HEAR OOM..PAH..PAH!

(Everybody begins cheering loudly and swinging their plastic mugs around wildly.)

Bill Sykes: -barges through door-

Random Drunk Lady: Bill Sykes!

(The techies seem to be off today, so Bill stands around waiting for the music for _My Name_ to start. After about five seconds, he gets bored, and starts doing some random dance.)

Director: No! Bill, wait for the music to start BEFORE coming in!

Bill: Sorry! -turns around and walks back out the door-

----

**Scene 2: In Which Nancy Doesn't Get to Finish Her Line**

Bill: -grabs Nancy-

Nancy: No! I swear I -

Bill: -throws Nancy on ground-

Director: Let her finish her line BEFORE you kill her!

Nancy: Can I start writhing around on the ground in the pit? -starts twitching uncontrollably-

Director: NO.

---

**Scene 3: In Which Dodger Has Some Gender Issues (I would like to point out that our Dodger was played by a girl)**

Dodger: -getting dressed- I'm ready for my close-up! -starts to walk out of the room-

Mrs. Bedwin: Your earrings are still in.

Thief: Cross-dressing Artful Dodger!

Dodger: -takes earrings out hastily- You never saw anything!

(Dodger then proceeds to run out of the dressing room, until she realizes that she's only got one shoe on)

Dodger: -hops back into room-

Me: Forget something? -holds up other shoe-

Dodger: Thank you!

(Dodger grabs the shoe, shoves her foot into it, and then runs out of the room...again.)

-----

**Scene 4: In Which Bill Has a Memory Lapse**

(Right before London Bridge, I'm waiting for my cue, and Bill is playing with the props on the table)

Me: Bill! Don't you have a murder to commit?

Bill: Oh, right! -straightens coat-

Me: Oh, god. Just go!

Bill: Alright, alright! -pauses- Break a leg.

Me: Ditto

Bill and I: -high five each other-

---

**Scene 5: In Which the Orphans Are Unable to do a Kick-line**

Director: Alright! All orphans, go outside into the lobby until you can get your kick-line right!

(The orphans go out in the hall, but instead of practicing, they spend the next ten minutes running around)

Widow Corney: STOP! You guys! We open in a WEEK! Get it together!

One of the orphans (Sean): Dang...Calm down woman.

Widow Corney: Don't tell me to calm down! You're the sorry lot who needs to get it together!

(The orphans proceed to practice the kick line until it's stuck in their heads for the rest of their lives.)

---

**Scene 5: In Which One of the Tables in the Workhouse is Broken**

Director: Alright, the table on the left is broken. Derek, when you run across, be careful, kay?

Derek (featured dancer): Sure!

(The orphans march down the aisle and begin to sing and dance to _Food, Glorious Food_. Soon it is time for Derek to run across the table)

Derek: -begins running-

(The table begins to fold upwards, and Derek is only halfway across)

Derek: AHH! -sprints across the rest of the table)

Director: We are so going to need to fix that.

----

**Scene 6: In Which the Dinner at Rehearsal Results in a Grape War**

(Everyone is eating dinner out in the hall. Dinner consists of pizza and grapes.)

Nancy: Hey, Bet! Catch! -throws grape-

Bet: -opens mouth-

(The grape misses and hits Mr. Bumble)

Mr. Bumble: Hey! -looks around- Who did that! -picks up grape and throws it at Widow Corney-

Widow Corney: Aghh! -throws grape at Mrs. Bedwin-

Mrs. Bedwin: STOP! -throws grape at Dodger-

Dodger: What've you got against me? -throws grape at Oliver-

Oliver: DODGER! -throws grape back at Dodger-

(A large grape war begins. Grapes end up all over the hallway floor, and most are squished. In the middle of this grape throwing, one of them hits Bill right in the eye.)

Bill: HEY! Which one of you threw that?

Everyone: -points at someone else-

Bill: Fine. Be that way. But I am NOT cleaning this mess up!

----

**Scene 7: In Which the Locket That Widow Corney Needs is Gone**

Mrs. Brownlow (ours was a girl): I forgot my locket!

Director: Oh great...Well, find something else to replace it!

Mrs. Brownlow: Alright! We need to find something to replace my locket before 7:00!

(Everyone begins searching the backstage area for any necklaces or lockets to use)

Rose seller: I found a clip on locket!

Mrs. Brownlow: It'll have to do! Thanks!

Bill: I've got a gun. -holds plastic gun up-

Me: Put the gun down!

---

**Scene 8: In Which Bill Gets Really Mad at One of the Techies**

Bill: Jen is so stupid!

Me: What happened?

Bill: She was running behind the curtain hitting it with Old Sally's cane!

Me: Oh god.

Bill: -puts head in hands- I don't know what to do!

Me: Well, for one, stand up taller. Now, go out there and give the audience a performance they'll never forget!

Bill: Alrighty, then. -walks off-

Me: -quietly- Love you too.

----

**Scene 9: In Which Bill Sykes and I Have an Interesting Meeting in the Dark, and I Finally Realize Something (this happened at the rehearsal right before the one mentioned above)**

(Walking backstage behind the curtain, I bump into something, or rather, someone)

Me: Bill?

Bill: Kayla?

Me: You scared me!

Bill: It's what I do best!

Me: In your dreams!

Bill: Oh really?

(Bill grabs my arms and forces me against the back wall)

Bill: Are you scared now?

Me: No.

Bill: Well, I'll keep trying. -walks off-

Me: Oh my god. I think I'm falling in love.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So...more stories of what 'appens at rehearsal! Yay! -insert cheering- For anyone who's confused, my school did Oliver! this past winter. Rehearsals started in November, and the show ran for three days in January. the show consisted of about 60-70 seventh and eighth graders who have become my second family.**

**Scene 10: In Which Bill Doesn't Like Bananas, and Oliver Can't Keep a Straight Face**

(A bit of background info...Our director tells us that whenever we get hurt on stage during rehearsals, even a little bit, we need to yell out "BANANAS!".)

Bow Street Runner 1: -shoots Bill-

(Bill falls backwards into the pit, and lands on the mats that were purposely put there.)

Bill: ORANGES!

(Everybody exchanges weird looks with one another. Some random person tells everyone that Bill doesn't like bananas. Throughout this whole exchange, Oliver has gotten this huge grin on his face.)

Director: Oliver! You need to not smile when Bill dies!

(Oliver quickly wipes the smile off his face.)

---

**Scene 11: In Which Mrs. Bedwin Makes a Remix to Where is Love**

(While backstage, Dodger, Mrs. Bedwin, and I are fooling around in the hall.)

Dodger: -singing- _Where is love? Does it fall from skies above?_

Me: We need to make a remix to this song!

Mrs. Bedwin: I've got it! -sings- _Where is Oliver? Did he fall from skies above?_

_-----_

**Scene 12: In Which Nancy Loves her Shawl...Maybe a Little Too Much**

(After the show, in the dressing room. Nancy is wearing a pair of jeans, a cami, and her shawl, which is part of her costume.)

Nancy: I love my shawl! It's so warm and soft!

(She presses the shawl ho her face and then begins wrapping the shawl around her in different ways.)

Nancy: Look! I'm Rapunzel! -throws shawl over shoulder-

Orphan: NANCE! There are kids here! Put your shirt on!

----

**Scene 13: In Which Dinner Results in Oliver Liking Turkey**

(Another dinner, this one consists of sandwiches made of various food items, including turkey.)

Oliver: -waving turkey in my face- Eat it! Eat it!

Me: I have no idea where that's been, and frankly, I don't wanna know.

Oliver: It's been on my finger!

Me: So you say...Plus, I'm not supposed to take things from creepers.

Oliver: Are you calling me a creeper?

Me: Uh huh.

(Oliver proceeds to chase me up and down the hall until dinner is over.)

---

**Scene 14: In Which Mr. Sowerberry Has an Unfortunate Run-In with a Hammer**

(This one didn't happen at rehearsal, it happened at our second show.)

Me: -watching from backstage- Move! I wanna see _Where is Love?_

(Mr. Sowerberry, who is the most adorable seventh grader I've met in my life, comes limping off stage.)

Me: Ahh! What happened? Speak!

Mr. Sowerberry: I dropped the hammer on my foot!

Me: On purpose?

Mr. S: -sarcastically- Yea, on purpose.

---

**Scene 15: In Which Oliver Takes an Extreme Liking to Nancy**

(After Nancy and Bill are dead, Mrs. Brownlow and Mrs. Bedwin emerge to take Oliver home.)

Mrs. Brownlow: Come Oliver, we'll take you home.

Oliver: -starts to skip offstage-

Director: BE SADDER!

Oliver: NANCY! -throws himself into orchestra pit-

Mrs. Brownlow: Sadder! Not suicidal!

Oliver: -climbs back out of pit- I'm ALIVE!

Me: Oh, so you can survive falling off London Bridge, but Nancy can't? Hmph.

----

**Scene 16: In Which Mr. Bumble Forgets the Words to His Own Song**

(Watching Mr. Bumble and Oliver rehearse Boy For Sale, and Mr. Bumble seems to have forgotten the words.)

Oliver: -singing- Large man, man for sale!

Mr. Bumble: Excuse me?

Oliver: -still singing- Old man, man for sale! He's an old man!

(Everybody in the room, including the Director, begin to crack up.)

Widow Corney: Blooper reel moment!

---

**Scene 17: In Which We Have a Slightly Big Problem in the Script**

(Rehearsing London Bridge, Mrs. Brownlow is giving the description of Bill)

Mrs. Brownlow: He wore a tall hat and a blue coat.

Me: Blue- I mean - Bill Sykes!

(Later, backstage...)

Nancy: Wait...Bill's coat is green, and he doesn't have a hat!

Me: Hold on...the only character in a hat and blue coat here is Dodger!

Orphan: DODGER KILLED NANCY!

Dodger: -walking by- I did? Hmmm...I must've missed the memo.

---

**Scene 18: In Which Gym Class Becomes Just Another Rehearsal Spot**

(This isn't at rehearsal, it happened during lunch and gym class. my good friend the Book Seller is giving out chocolate. For the record, the Book Seller, Mrs. Bedwin, Dodger, Thiefy (random thief), Bill Sykes, and I are all in the same gym class)

Book Seller: -hands me piece of chocolate-

Me: Please may I have some more?

Book Seller: NO. Now go to the funeral home!

Me: I WON'T! -steals chocolate-

Book Seller: Thief! Thief! Bow Street Runners! Help! You are a thief! I banish you! Now you must become a pick-pocket!

(Five minutes later, back in gym class...)

Me: I have to become a pick-pocket!

Dodger: -singing- Consider yourself, at 'ome!

Me: Alright, I get it!

Book Seller: -walking by- I hope Bill Sykes kidnaps you! And you won't have a Nancy!


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

**Okay….I ran out of Oliver! things to put in here. However, I got cast in Courtyard, which is the non-musical production of the year. Basically you write skits and perform them. And about 1/3 of the cast were in Oliver!, so I'm just using stories from that now. I'll still use everybody's "Oliver" names though.**

**Scene 1: In which Bill is a Stalker**

(Trying to fix up one of our scenes)

Me: Alright, let's take it from the top!

Thief (Ella): You know….I actually think it'd be better if we cut the middle part.

Charley Bates: Yea, I agree.

Me: Okay! Cut the middle!

(Bill randomly walks off from his group and into the middle of ours.)

Ella: Bill! Go away!

(Bill glares at Ella but leaves anyways.)

Me: Stalker!

**Scene 2: In Which Oliver Discovers that Something is Going on in the Bathroom**

(Before rehearsal, me, Oliver, and Holly are going to look for some paper towels to clean up the soda spill in the hall.)

Me: Let's try the bathroom here!

Thief (Holly): Okay!

(We enter the high school bathroom only to find that there are no paper towels.)

Me: Of course there aren't any.

(We walk back out to see if Oliver is still there. He is.)

Holly: Did you check the guys' room?

Oliver: Did you not see? Something suspicious was happening in there!

Me: No, I didn't. Please explain!

Oliver: There were girls in there.

Holly: Awkward….

**Scene 3: In Which a Picture Results in Bill Breaking the Touch Barrier**

(Sammy (featured dancer), wants to take a picture of everyone in Courtyard, so we all run to get into place.)

Me: I swear, if any of you push me off the stage, I'm gonna scream!

(Bill shows up right next to me. For the record, he's the tallest person in the cast, and we're in the back row.)

Bill: No one's gonna be able to see me in the back!

(Everyone groans.)

Me: Alright, Bria, stand still.

(I rest my arm on Bria's shoulder. All of the sudden, Bill decides to put his arm on my shoulder. We're sp tightly packed that he's practically on top of me.)

Sammy: Alright! Say "Courtyard!"

Everybody: "Courtyard!"

(Sammy takes the picture, and then more people come and take pictures with their own cameras. And throughout the whole thing, Bill never takes his arm away.)

**Scene 4: In Which Bill's Skit Reminds Us of Things Past**

(Bill and his group are getting ready to perform their skit in rehearsal.)

Bill: Yes, sir?

(Fagin grabs Bill's jacket so that it comes unzipped. He's wearing his Oliver! cast t-shirt underneath.)

Fagin: Don't backtalk me!

(One of the girl's in the skit comes over. I don't know her name, so let's call her Rachel.)

Fagin: And what's your name?

Rachel: I'm Nancy!

(I cover my mouth, and there is a collective gasp from the audience.)

Dodger: Umm….wow.

Me: Don't kill her!!

**Scene 4: In Which I'm Not at all in Love**

(Before one rehearsal, me, Thiefy, and Mrs. Bedwin are singing random musical songs.)

Me: -singing- I'm not at all in love! Not at all in love! Not I!

Mrs. Bedwin: Yea right! I don't believe it.

Thiefy: Me neither.

(Dodger comes over, and Thiefy explains the situation.)

Dodger: You're an awful liar.

**Scene 5: In Which Bill finds Another Hobby**

(Me, Thiefy, and Widow Corney are trying to make a scene, when Bill decides to randomly come walk in the middle and stand next to me.)

Me: (looks up) Oh, hi Bill….Wait….are you smoking?

Bill: (takes something out of his mouth) No, it's just a rolled up piece of paper around some grass.

Me: Okay, give it here. It's bad for your health.

(I try to take it, but Bill runs off, which results in me chasing him around the stage for two minutes before I give up.)

**Scene 6: In Which I'm a Little Too Generous**

(On Mondays, rehearsals didn't start for an hour, so I decided to go to the 7-11 that was five minutes away. But when I was heading back, a bunch of the cast members were just getting there, so I decided to stay with them.)

Mrs. Bedwin: Hey, K?

Me: Yea?

Mrs. B: Do you have 50 cents? I really need it. I promise I'll pay you back!

Me: Of course! I have my whole wallet. I'll give it to you when we get to the store, kay?

Mrs. B: Thank you soooo much!

(We get into the store, and as soon as I fish out my wallet, everyone comes flocking over.)

Jackie: Can I have 25 cents?

Cindy: Can I have a dollar?

Sammy: Can I have two?

Kaelan: Can I have 75 cents?

Me: Sure….fine….you all are just lucky that I'm so nice.

Bill: Can you buy me this soda?

Me: What the heck? Price, Bill, I need a price?

(Bill spends the next two minutes analyzing the bottle of soda, looking for a price tag.)

Bill: $1.49.

Me: Here's two dollars. I want the change back.

Bill: I will worship you forever!

Me: You said that the last time I lent you money.

**Scene 7: In Which Oliver is a Little Thief **

(On yet another Monday, me and Mr. Bumble were coming back from 7-11 with our slurpees, when we spotted Oliver.)

Oliver: Hey guys, can you watch my bag? (He points to his backpack which is outside the drama room.)

Me: I don't know…

Oliver: And to think I was going to nominate you for funniest person!

Me: In what?

(Oliver then steals my slurpee and takes off down the hall with it.)

Me: OLIVER! GET BACK HERE!

(We chase each other around the hall until one of the teachers comes out and yells at us because we're disturbing her. I'm apologizing, and Oliver is making faces at me behind her back.)

**Scene 8: In Which We Make a Family**

(At one rehearsal, me, Dodger, Thiefy, Kaelan, and Bill are all sitting on a bench, which we've decided is also a car.)

Dodger: I'm the mom!

(We all choose our characters. I'm the 8 year old girl, Thiefy is the 15 year old girl, Kaelan is the baby, and Bill is the 10 year old son.)

Kaelan: Mommy…I don't feel good. (fake throws up on Thiefy)

Thiefy: EW! Oh that's gross! Mom!

Me: MOMMY! Bill isn't wearing his seatbelt! And now he's hitting the baby! Mommy!

(Bill and Kaelan get up off the bench.)

Me: MOMMY! They jumped out of the car! They're suicidal! I've lost my brothers!


End file.
